DISCIPLINE… COMMITMENT… Oy!

So, recently I mentioned on Facebook, about God disciplining me to the point of tears. Yes I really literally cried. Now, while my tears was much more about how I felt about myself at the point of the reprimand – because I put a lot of pressure on myself to meet each goal-, did God really discipline me? Yes He did. He’s been doing that with me since the day I got saved and I opened my mouth and said I was going to be His child, and the day I started a relationship with Him where I not only opened up my mouth, but also my heart for Him to change.

Hebrews 12:6 says:
For the Lord DISCIPLINES those who He loves, and CHASTISES every one whom He receives.

Well, God must truly love me because I get reprimanded most times when I do wrong (the times I don’t get reprimanded were the times I did not care to even hear what He had to say and so I close my ears to him, and then life deals me a blow instead), and it is because of those chastisements, it helps me to be a better me, and if I take heed, I get to correct those wrongs.

Now, ever since December when the Apostle Wilbert Nyamayedenga spoke many wonderful things over my life. I knew straight away that those things will never manifest without me putting in the sacrifice and work to achieve them. The word of God says Faith without works is dead. Therefore, it is when you act upon your faith that it activates your faith to manifest the very thing your faith is trying to achieve.

After that prophetic moment, I asked God to help me to activate and bring to manifestation the things the Prophet spoke over my life… then all hell broke loose. God gave me one particular task that simply had to be achieved. Now, He is not forcing me to do this, I just know the consequences if I don’t follow through.

So I set out excitingly on the journey. It was hard. Midway I failed and caved in. Then I got a dream, this gift was something I wanted real bad in the spirit, and I got a dream that I was trying to do this thing and it never happened and I had to send for someone else to complete it. And when I asked God why I could not do it, He said the familiar words, you are not yet cleared in the spirit to do that, this kind comes only through fasting and prayer. And I knew right away that I had failed my mission, and I cried. The reprimand from God was not shouting at me like I would at my own self, it was simply that until I can pass this certain test, He will never give me this gift I needed so badly.

This morning God and I spoke some more on it. I wanted to know why it felt so hard, did I have to do it? And God called one name to me. Prophetess Dr. Juanita Bynum. “God… say no more.”

If anyone knows me, they know that Dr. Bynum is my role model of any female upon this earth! She is one crazy lady.
The first time I saw her video No More Sheets, I told God “I want that woman’s mantle”. I want her cloak to fall off of me and drop around my shoulders. I wanted every anointing she had including her Spirit of Boldness and her knowledge and relationship with God. But how dare me want this woman’s mantle without knowing how much she sacrificed for it? I remembered her story, all she asked God for was a husband, and you would not believe how this woman was tested and trained personally by God! God told her that in order for her to get a man, she had to learn how to be single!!! Imagine that!

God had her to wake up every morning at 4am for around 3 months and get herself dressed like she was going on a date with makeup on and nice clothes, and she had to praise and worship with God. God took away every dime she had and told her to leave her current boyfriend who was paying all her bills, and she had nothing, not even food in her house. She had to go through the drive-through just to get toilet paper to use. She lost many friends, she almost went into a mental institution. God trained and tested her and tried her with fire, and prepared her for her ministry in a way not many including myself could endure. And at the end of it, she came out learning that she never needed a man in the first place, but God himself, until the time would be right. For Dr. Bynum ended up marrying a man and was divorced months after. Now Juanita has a ministry to women all over the globe. And God reminded me of her, and how I said I wanted her anointing, and said to me, yeah, that anointing cost Juanita and it WILL cost you too. How dare I think Dr. Bynum would put in all the work and then hand over her trophies to me? Not happening ever in this lifetime.

When Elisha wanted the Prophet Elijah’s mantle, God made him serve under Elijah. He could not even sleep even when Elijah slept. He was constantly learning and being on the lookout so much that when Elijah was taken up by God, Elisha was able to catch the mantle when it fell freely from heaven off of Elijah, because he was diligently watching out in the spirit for it. How many mantles did we ask for and when it fell we were nowhere around to catch it because we were never in the spirit and the correct positioning to even receive it. You have to be trained to catch mantles!!!

Well the anointing for ministry NEVER COMES without a sacrifice. true ministries are built on this. The word of God says, to whom much is given, much will be required. So how dare we feel that if we want to do work in God’s Kingdom, that there will not be required a time of pruning, training, and sacrificing of our flesh to produce holiness to do God’s work. That is one problem with churches today, nobody preaching about holiness and righteousness over these feel good stroke your egos sermons. That is the difference between people operating from a Kingdom perspective and people who don’t. For Kingdom people are trained specifically for their tasks, they promote holiness and righteousness, and they never fail at their tasks because they know full well how much it cost them. They have skin in the game.

Integrity is a needed virtue in the Kingdom of God! We say “Lord we need $100,000 for our ministry”, and someone says “write it down and put in on your mirror”. Seriously??? Well did we hear God ask if we can even balance our checkbooks much less to manage $100,000 as a good steward? I said to him “Lord I want discipline”, He says go clean your house. I say “Lord I want the nations, send me to them”, and He says go minister to your neighbor!

So yeah, I know the deal, I know by now that because of how He plans to use me, and the mantle I asked of Him, I will have to make sacrifices and endure boot-camp training for that position. If he says He will bless me financially tremendously, I know I had better learn to go budget and manage my finances. If he says He will send me to the nations, I had better learn to preach to those in my household… even if the only persons listening are my 2 dogs. I’m showing God I am serious and I need this thing real bad. And even if I have to fail and keep starting over, I know I will complete my mission.

As Jesus says in Matthew 25:23
“…’Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; Therefore, I will put you in charge of many things…’

I want to be effective in the Kingdom of God. I neeed the training. And I will need ALL the benefits the position will afford me as well. So yeah, I was sad knowing how far I reached and how quickly I gave up. I really felt like a failure. But I know God does not see me that way, He knew I would fail, but I want Him to know I will try again, and He knows that full well. I have to push myself hard to motivate me. There are so many lives waiting for transformation based on the results of me passing this test and training.

Thank you God for loving me enough to chastise me when I am wrong. And thank you for believing in me enough to know that somehow I will pass this test. Thank you for raising the bar so darn high so that it will cost me a lot to get there, for only then will I consider my task valuable and take it seriously. And thank you for trusting me with the lives of the people that you will send my way. I’m heading back to the threshing floor so you can churn the living daylights out of me.

Job 23:10
“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.

I love you my Abba, my Pappa, my Dad!